Wednesday, February 10, 2010

A "Land" mark in my life...

It only took nine years but it was worth the wait. After all these years of wanting to meet this one guy has finally led to meet in a city that I love so much, Seattle. It happened on a quick overnight trip that I only stopped because I was hoping to meet someone else. Instead, I met someone who I've shared many memories with, gained so much confidence in myself, and felt a "love" all over the phone and the internet. Land, a guy who I've been attracted to and envisioned a meeting different than what actually happened was still surreal.

We first met on an internet site many years ago during a time where we put our high school lives behind us and was embarking on new adventures to explore our inner self. Its amazing to think how much we've grown since. Living our lives secretly, scared our family wouldn't accept the idea of being gay and, the only outlet we had was each other and the few peopole we could trust with this secret. As I rode the insecurity roller coaster ride, I found support from someone a thousand miles away through an internet connection and random phone calls. It wasn't long where an attraction formed and for the longest time distance and then soon, life, separated us.

In one direction I was ready to break from my cyclical nature of being in San Diego and moved to Boston while he left Nashville to move to Seattle. Somehow we lost touch or maybe it was time to let go to explore more of ourselves but one thing for sure, I could not forget the memories of what we shared. There would be occasional moments where even though I put my past behind me life had a way to remind me of Land.

Never did I think would I get a response when I sent the text message to him. I figured that he would ignore it after the messages I had sent over the years just to see how things were would disappear like the rest of them. So, when I heard my phone alert me that I had a message and it was from Land, did my heart begin to beat rapidly. After all these years could we actually finally meet?

Soon, past memories and conversations rustled through my mind and the closer to the time we would meet, I became more anxious. I remembered how he had said that we wouldn't meet unless he and I were both single because thats how it should be. I soon remembered his voice on the phone during our long conversations at night. I even remembered past feelings that I put aside many moons ago. But when I met him in line at the "gaybucks," the only thing that mattered was that after all these years it was finally nice to meet face to face.

The couple of hours of conversation passed by quickly and at the end, I still couldn't believe it all happened. Time had shown that there was a lot that had changed amongst ourselves and it also showed how much we still remembered about each other.

As much as I would like to keep in contact, at the end of the night as we walked away from each other, I felt if we never saw each other or talked again, an open chapter in my life at least had an ending. Not like those movies you see where you want to know what happens next leaves you feeling empty. I, finally met him after all these years and I don't know what will happen next, I, at least know the past with Land found its closure.