Thursday, October 17, 2013

Rants of a I do but I really don't want a relationship

We all have those moments where we feel the need to express.  The need to write what comes to mind even if it does not make any sense.  This is my moment of ranting and venting, though I am not mad.   Nor am I frustrated at anything, or maybe I am.  

Its funny how time flies by and when you start catching up with a friend you realize that either nothing has gone in your life or everything has but nothing comes to mind, when in reality a lot probably has happened.   Or when you come to that point where you explain that nothing has changed but realistically you are right back to where you started.   That seems to be my answer..."oh you know, still single."   But have I been? Honestly yes...yeah I dated a handful of guys in the past 5 years but officially i was never in an exclusive relationship with that person.   And all honesty, it was scratch that, definitely a good thing.  Or when you hear multiple people say that "my fierce independent soul is very attractive" and  and yet its such an unattractive quality when you try to be in a relationship, especially when you don't let anyone in or you stop them short because lets be'll be over in three months anyways.  

Once again, I feel the need to I'm not running away from nomadic spirit is ready to go.   So I'm blatantly honest with everyone, letting them know of my intentions making sure they steer clear of getting too close to avoid the talk.   So I can say that I tried to warn them but what am I really warning them from?   Maybe I'm cutting it short by laying it all out there but who has the time to pretend that the long distance is really going to work if it wasn't even love at first sight and you're still waiting for a call.   It will work if it was meant to and that does include long distance.   Yet things have to match, things have to connect.  

Maybe its my old soul that is trying to protect my young heart because it was already broken once before and my soul took too many years to recover.   So maybe this was a little bit of venting, but I'm not frustrated, I'm not mad.   But I think my testosterone jumped on board with my old soul to keep the young heart from attracting anything good that might come along.   Then again, I've always enjoyed my single else would I've been able to experience those special moments.  Its just too bad there was no one beside me to see it with me.

I guess this should have been in my journal and not on a public blog.   Eh, it sounds like another love comedy ready to be written.