Sunday, August 1, 2010

My Heart, My Mind, My Libido....

Attraction is a confusing thing. History makes it complicated and trying to make sense of it all in bed at that moment only brings anxious feelings.

Time has passed since we first met our first year. I still remember our first kiss and our first "date," which was the start of what I would describe a perfect date to be. This has left an impression, a mark on me that has brought this confusion to me now.

Since our first year, I only saw you once last year. A brief moment where I held my breath to see that you had come back to Alaska. I was always hopeful that I would see you when you stayed over but not once did we meet.

Another season and here we are again, in Alaska, working through another summer. A lot has happened over the years when we first met. There seems to be hesitation in our interaction, maybe afraid to get hurt because our past has memories of tears but nonetheless, we have had the opportunity to have hung out.

I enjoyed the time spent and even though my overly analytical mind has many questions: why, what is it you see in me, what you think or what you want, or how you feel, I must let things flow.

The only thing I do know is that my my mind knows what my heart feels even though my heart is very much guarded, which tells my mind to control my libido unsuccessfully, and I do mean shamefully. Yet, if things are meant to be, it will be and what you say of us hanging out again....I can only hope that we do and the look in your eyes I saw that night, the feeling of you in my arms, and the passion from those many kisses happens again.

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