Sydney to Brisbane 10/24/2010 - 11/1/2010

Oi....the start to my Aussie adventure was lying sick in a bed sleeping the days away. I finally caught whatever was going around on the cruise ship and sadly, Sarah caught it soon after. Yet, a little bit sleep, a lot of prayer, and some mind over matter was what it took to get outta bed so we can start seeing 'Stralia.

First things first, making a plan. Oh yeah, cuz the four of us, Colleen, Sarah, Stephanie and I were really good at doing. The one thing I know that Colleen, Steph and I love to do and are good at are....road trips. So, how to start but by renting a "SPACESHIP,"

named Armageddon.

It was our new home built for two but with all of us on a budget, four and backpacks and of course our cruise bags and souvenirs. It was a Toyota Previa van that was converted with a fridge, water, stoves, storage all stored underneath a pull out bed.

I will say that I'm surprised we survived in that van as long as we did. Mind you, this blog only covers Sydney to Brisbane but, in the next blog, we took that van from Brisbane up to Cairns. But lets not jump ahead, alright? So, as I was saying I was surprised after spending thirty days in a small cabin on a ship then take everything we had and shoved into something even smaller like our spaceship, we're all still friends. Not to mention the many times someone's bag "vomited" everywhere...not just one person's bag but one after another. Before you get all grossed out by vomit, let me explain. Have you ever packed a backpack with enough clothes for an overnight? Sure you have, then you add your gadgets, books, literature, maps, toiletries, swim wear, extra pair of clothes, sandals, shoes....is your back getting a little over loaded? Yeah? well lets add a few more things, postcards, pens, medicine, SPF, more literature, another extra shirt, socks, journal, ipod. Alright, got it all zipped up? Barely? yeah...okay so an hour goes by and you wanna write in your journal....what happens? Vomit of crap happens....get the point? Good. Lets move on.

So, after spending two sick days in Sydney, the four of us jumped in our Spaceship and headed towards the Blue Mountains. Only about an hour away, the Blue Mountains was an oasis of quaint little towns surrounded by eucalyptus trees and waterfalls. Rightly named, the Blue Mountains had a blue hue due to the sun rays reflecting off the eucalyptus oil in the air which also had a wonderful smell. We walked to see beautiful waterfalls - Wentworth Falls, take pictures at Blackhorn look out, saw the 3 sisters/Echo Point.

We then drove out to Mt Wilson Botanical Gardens and Mt Irvine where we then parked our van to cook ramen noodles and nearly got scared by a random guy walking out of the woods, not to mention me being paranoid of snakes, spiders and any other random wild animals. HELLO we're in Australia, a continent that has the top 10 poisonous of almost all animals. I don't want to get bit!

The next morning, we were awakened by a construction truck but left to go make brecky (breakfast) and get ready for our day. We drove through Mt. Tomah up the Putty Road to Hunter Valley for a little bit of wine tasting for Sarah and I. It was where we saw our fist wild kangaroo! There it was out in the grape vineyards hopping around. Colleen and Steph stayed outside to take heaps of pictures while Sarah and I stayed in to learn and taste wine. It wasn't a wine I'd buy apart from being deary (expensive) but just didn't hit my taste buds completely. The experience was amazing though, in the end, the care taker gave us 4 free bottles of wine! Jackpot, looks like I like the wine now! Afterwards, we hung out at Macca's for a few hours to get some internet done and wait to see if we can see our friend Gloeta. Did I mention that I was driving in all of this?? Not the whole time but here I was driving on the right side of the car in the left lane! Which I did pretty good until I drove on the wrong side once and a car stopped and was nice enough to let me drive through...whew...no accidents! That night we drove to Merriweather where we met up with the Oceanographer, Glo, from the ship to chat and have a sleep over!!!!

The next day was a pretty lazy day. Woke up pretty late, hung around and played scrabble. When we finally left, we drove towards these sand dunes. Think of that beautiful sand you might have laid out on in Waikiki....yeah can you believe HI imports sand all the way from Australia????? CRAZY! Its no wonder HI is so expensive! Anyways, we got carried away and took pictures whilst in the air....trying to be kangas I suppose. After watching the sunset, and after a little flirty flirt with the gas station guy - no not me, I wasn't flirting...leave it up to the girls, we then drove to Kurran where we made dinner at Myall National Park.

We wanted to wake up next to the beach but we didn't have 4-wheel drive so we managed to get as close as possible. Colleen and I woke up to see the sun rise and saw dolphins swimming in the ocean. It was beautiful to see and discovered our feet barked! There's only a few places in the world where when you walk on the sand it makes a barking noise. In the words of Steph "its like I'm stepping on puppies." Anyways, as we continued our day we drove and saw Seal Rocks light house. Stopped at a beach where we watched whales out at sea and chat with a few locals. Drove to Green Cathedral where its a church made of fig trees...we couldn't really see the church since there was a wedding, which was beautiful. I was tempted to walk down the aisle to take a few pictures since the bride still hadn't shown up but I'm sure that wouldn't go well for the groom. From there we trekked and when I mean trekked...we trekked down a road in the dark to see Ellenborough falls. It was a long and I mean long dirt road where the shocks on our spaceship did not know how to handle any bumps let alone rocks on a dirt road. And to top it off, we got stopped a by a herd of cows. You know, you really can't try to drive near them....you just wait until they MOOOOve outta the way. Anyways, when we finally saw a sign...I swear we drove forever with no sign to see if we were on the right road, it was dark and it was a relief to make it to our destination and have a good meal.

In the morning, we walked to see the beautiful waterfall which was supposed to be the longest single drop waterfall but come to find out later it wasn't....I can't remember the details but none the less it was an amazing sight to see. I will say we had an amazing breakfast sandwich due to this bread we had found that had cheese and ham cooked on top and all we did was add a fried egg. MMMM.....Now, I'm only going to say quickly that I was in a mood...yes, it was my turn and in all honesty, I had nothing on my mind, nothing to say, and very few words came outta my mouth. Just those moments where I couldn't get away for some alone time and well we had a make-up session after some good lunch made out of beets!

For some reason, beets are a big thing here, instead of a pickle in a hamburger they used beets. But anyways, this restaurant was known for their menu of beets - beet shakes, beet beef curry, beet this beet that. I'm not usually a fan of it but I will have to say it was good & healthy for you. Did you know that? I sure didn't....looks like I'll be eating fresh beets now. Well anyways, we continued driving and saw another beautiful beach and another beautiful light house before stopping off at the Koala Hospital, thats right those cute little koala's have a hospital because they get ran over or hurt. We did a little tour and I really learned a lot about those little guys. I wouldn't mind having a koala outside my window. They just sleep a lot anyways. From their our next destination is Byron Bay. I haven't mention where we were travelling have I? Believe me, they don't call it an open road for nothing. I barely remember what we did and where we went!

Byron Bay, absolutely beautiful. We propped up the tent fly, and hung out at the beach all day.

Its nice not being stuck in a van...you really need to stretch out and stop driving, ya know? There was a lot of ground to cover but we didn't want to feel like all we did was drive drive drive. Even though thats pretty much all we did with stops in between for bathroom breaks, waterfall pictures, light house walks and whatever else. So it was nice to lay out. There were dolphins in the ocean and I ran to see if I could swim with them...yeah right, cuz I can swim all the way out there. Afterwards, we threw in some vampire fangs...thats right HAPPY HALLOWEEN and went to see the lighthouse and walk to the Eastern most part of the mainland of Australia. Kinda cool, eh? Hey, its a photo op I suppose.

After, Steph and I found a bakery where we stocked up on some good ol meat pies and bakery dessert items. Let's just say that was Steph's thing...bakeries...oh do they have some good bread items. Anyways, the driving continues and we did a quick drive through Surfer's Paradise. Sadly, it was late at night and as much as I wanted to see my Aunt and Uncle, I didn't think calling them at midnight would be appropriate so we kept driving through so we could be closer to Brisbane. We did have a deadline to make to drop off the spaceship. And if you know us and deadlines....OY! So we made it to Beaudesert where we parked the car and slept.

Now, the next day we drove right to Brisbane where we once again didn't have any plans except for Sarah who the night before booked her plane ticket out from Brisbane to Sydney. So plans were sorta evolving and Sarah was leaving us. I mean I knew she had to get back but man, it was so abrupt. Steph, Colleen and I didn't even know what we were doing. Here we have Sarah flying back to Sydney in a couple of days and us losing our "home" from the past week. Needless to say, we had to choose what was right for the budget....which meant...rent the spaceship for another week except only $1.00 a day! Can you believe it? They were having a relocation special so, why not drive all the way up to Cairns??? So sadly, we had to leave Sarah in Brisbane and say our goodbyes. We only had the spaceship for a few more days and there were plenty of kilometers to cover. I felt bad leaving Sarah behind but, at least she was in a city where it was safe and easy to get around. And, she was heading back to Sydney, a city we've already been. I gave her one last hug and kept heading north.

All in all, from Sydney to Brisbane the four of us covered over 2900 kilometers seeing so much in between. We had spent 30 days on a ship together and 7 days in a van. We were close....literally close, we didn't have much space to work with and all in all, it was a wonderful time. Yet the adventure continues.

Hello Sydney, Farewell Friends - 23/10/2010

Sydney, was the mark to an end of an experience and a beginning to a new adventure. Watching the sunrise as we sailed into Sydney harbor could not have been a better way to end a cruise. Thirty days had passed and my dream of living in Australia was becoming a reality. It was those last moments where I could not believe my eyes what was in front of me, Australia.

I can still remember as a kid of how much I wanted to visit Australia. A dream I had that one day I would set foot on the continent, to surf the crazy waves, to see a kangaroo and a koala, to camp in the outback, to experience the Great Barrier Reef, and to have that Aussie accent.

As we sailed into Sydney, not even me being sick could keep me from seeing the beauty of the Sydney Opera House, Harbor Bridge, and skyline. It was a beautiful sight to see and to stand next to close friends, Vincent, Monika, Sarah, Chani & MJ - I also felt a little bit of sadness knowing that this is where we begin to say our goodbyes.

My post: 30 Days, A Small Novel through the South Pacific, explained the experience I had on the cruise ship with these remarkable people but it did not explain how much I truly felt a friendship. And there's no way to capture in words the bond we had created. The only thing we could do was have one last adventure in Sydney together.

Disembarkation....should really be nicknamed, "chaos." Trying to pack all of your things back in to your bag where you thought you left enough space for souvenirs and then realize that you brought and bought way more stuff than you could ever need, you just begin to de-junk right then and there. In many instances, I'm sure the crew is thankful to be receiving a few items but really, you're only leaving it behind because you can't find a spot to fit it in your bag. With that said, the adventure continues.

Steph, Colleen, Sarah and I was supposed to use the thirty day cruise to plan our Australian adventure. Did you catch that, "supposed to?" Yeah....of course we disembarked with no plan and no place to stay. Luckily, Monika and Vincent said we could follow them to their hotel. Lets put it this way....we rented two taxis, one for luggage, and the other for the rest of the luggage and then of course the 6 of us. I wish I took a picture, no, I wish I took a video of us trying to get all of our bags in the vans. Quite comical until we get to their hotel/hostel and we have to lug everyone's bags up three flights of stairs into a room smaller than our cabin to sleep 8. Yea...the laughs on that one. What was worse was that I had no energy at all. I was getting sick and its not like I could have stayed on the ship any longer. Well two twin beds surrounded by luggage was not going to sleep 8 people. While Jordon, Cheryl (mum), Vincent, and Monika went to the zoo, the rest of us went to go look for a place to stay. Good thing we found something quick cuz I used the rest of the afternoon to sleep and get a little rest.

The evening comes and our group had one last night together. Off to the Shangri-La we, Vincent, Monika, Jordon, Sarah and I went to meet up with Lindsey and Carissa. We went to their room to have some champagne and watch the ship sail away. It was sad to see what I had called my home for the past thirty days sail away with the memories we had made and watching my cruise romance depart Sydney. We all had a moment where we turned off the lights, played some music and for some, had tears come down our face. Yes I had a couple of tears....my home was sailing away!

Tears aside, we took off to King's Cross where our taxi ride was quite the adventure. Needless to say we made it safely but I think our taxi driver was happy to get rid of us. We settled for some Mexican, at a place called Tomatillo. Every other restaurant was crazy expensive as we will come to find out that Sydney in itself is expensive. For goodness sake, I think we all spent quite a bit of money on our taxi everywhere than we did for a tour in Bora Bora! No matter, the food was decent and off to the club we went.

Now...I have to explain a little bit. We were going to this particular club because the DJ on the ship invited us but it never occurred to me that the club we'd be going to would be a gay club. I never put two and two together. Some of you know that I'm not always fond of gay clubs...too many gays running around and well all of us, of course not me, were straight. Anyways, we arrived at "LIVE" and immediately the bouncer says to all of us, "You don't belong here." So after explaining to the bouncer that we in fact were supposed to be at this club since we were invited by the DJ, we then get to the ticket counter where they guy says, "So you're all straight....we just ask that you act a little gay." I guess no one read the gaydar outta me....then again I was sick and I probably looked like crap but hey I was here and I wanted to hang out with everyone even if I could barely keep my eyes open and I felt a fever brewing up inside.

The night went pretty quickly after that. It wasn't the best gay club I've ever been to but I will say it was probably good it wasn't that bad since it was Jordon's first gay club. I'm sure the experience for him was new and seeing other guys take more and more of their clothes off....it probably was good we didn't stay long. I really didn't have the energy so I was on the couch most of the time anyways drinking tons of water to keep me cool and hydrated. Yet, it was nice for all of us to be together one last time. Carissa and Lindsey were the first to go and after dancing awhile, the rest of us said our goodbyes to Kane and JT before we said goodbye to each other. I will say that it wasn't goodbye forever, it was a farewell celebration to the ship. I was just glad to get back to the hostel and sleep. I was for sure sick and I wasn't happy starting off my Aussie adventure this way.

30 days, A Small Novel Through the South Pacific 22nd of Sept - 23rd of Oct, 2010

If I could, I would go back and give you a daily update of each port during my 30 day cruise across the South Pacific. If I try now, the only thing that will come out are forgotten instances of memories that I will have to continuously update because there are too many to mention. And even then, there are moments that are in-describable. Instead, I will give you everything as a whole with flashes of moments that I want to share of my inner feelings expressed outward of my experience.

Standing in front of the Sapphire Princess in San Francisco seems like it was years ago. Nothing in those moments before sailing away would I even think that any of it was real and, even to this day I need to look at the pictures to remind myself that everything really did happen. It wasn't until we, Collen, Sarah and I

were standing at the front of the ship sailing under the magnificent Golden Gate Bridge that I was actually sailing towards a dream.

Our first 4 days at sea was our acclamation period of the cruising life. It was in those beginning days where our group of friends began to form. We didn't know then that we would become so close in a short amount of time but we shared one common thing, our young hearts and minds and the passion to travel and party.

The first two ports, Hawaii and Maui, was a reunion in many ways. Sarah and I met working at the Hyatt Regency La Jolla and we seem to meet with old colleagues along our voyage, Aaron and Mike respectively. It was nice to see them both - it brought back memories of our "old" days working at the Hyatt and how much we have grown since. Not only was it a time to meet with old friends but to remind me how long it has been since I've ridden a wave.

It has been six years since I've last paddled out to sea and surf back in to do it all over again. Yet, there was more of a struggle to paddle out and a survival to stay on the board back to shore. It was like riding a bike except never being able to ride without the training wheels. I miss surfing and one day I will be out in the ocean again but none the less, it was a great day. Maui was also our last US port before we headed out to sea for four days, cross the equator by kissing a fish, and begin the beauty you see in postcards.

Before we hit our first Polynesian island, we spent four days at sea where many things developed. Our friendship with the "young crowd" formed that now includes Stephanie, Colleen, Sarah, Vincent, Monika, Woody, Chani, MJ, Jordon, Cheryl, Lindsey, Carissa, Ryan, Laura, Gloeta, and of course myself. We were the young ones who participated in pool games, survivor, went to Gloeta's fantastic lectures in oceanography, and whatever other activities there were but mostly keeping the "night club, " Skywalkers alive. It was our late night meeting spot after we finished our "2 hour" dinners and our entertainment shows. Yet friendships weren't the only things that also began to develop.

Princess cruise ships is not called the "Love Boat" for nothing. Of course being only one of a few young ones that weren't married, it was bound for cruise romance to happen with each other and/or the crew. Four days at sea means there's no where to go but around the ship and see what develops. And, I can only speak for myself but I will say that I am glad that a friend of mine was able to move up the line of romance if you know what I mean, but of course I mean it in a good way.

Without getting too much into a tangent (and if you've read all my old depressing posts) I went through phases of sadness and then into a rampage after my ex. It was this summer where things clicked back into place for me and it was this cruise where I remembered what it feels like to have someone next to you. But its just the beginning of this cruise and as we keep sailing along, more develops along the way. (Don't ya just love the suspense?)

Out first Polynesian island, Moorea, was beautiful when the sun decided to shine. With nothing planned, it took the four of us, Stephanie, Colleen, Sarah and I awhile to figure out what we were doing. I take that back, Sarah had a plan and well, I tagged along for a bit. I'll admit, I wanted to go to the beach to see where this cruise romance would lead. He didn't hang out with us but I knew what beach he would be at. Anyways, if I could only swim better, my snorkeling experience would have lasted longer than it did but it was beautiful to see the coral and fish swimming around. After our snorkeling adventure with a few bar staff employees, I found the guy and had every intention to slyly flirt. Me, sly? Yeah okay so maybe I made sure to graze my hand across his arm and bat my eyes....hey I might have been lost for the past couple of years but I didn't forget the mechanics of flirting! Back to the adventure, Sarah and I met up with Colleen and Steph to switch off so

we can take the dune buggy/kart around the island. Thats exactly what we did, drove around the island in the rain having a blast sliding around corners and stopping to take pictures. Beautiful day but it didn't end because our only overnight in Papeete or Partieete as Jordon likes to call it happens.

Partieete was more appropriate for our night time experience. All of us, got off the ship to go to Club Paradise to party off the boat and celebrate the "guy's" birthday and my chance to see if this attraction is mutual ;). It was an awesome time and even though it just seemed like one big party that moved from the ship to shore, it was great that we were able to hang out with crew and dance the night a way. I was already forewarned that it was expensive to buy drinks in Tahiti so our pre-drinking helped my time at the club. It was a night we all danced away and a walk holding Sam's hand back to the ship was a nice way to end it all. ;)

The next day, Steph, Colleen and I toured around. We rented a driver and drove around to get away from the city and see more of the island. Though I imagined Tahiti differently, it was a beautiful island.

Bora Bora, our next stop....needs a moment, wait for it....

SIGH....it was all you expect it to be and more, and it was that and more. There are no words to describe my day except for you to experience it yourself. The only thing I can say is that when you see your screen saver of the island, its all that you see. Nothing can beat Bora Bora and though I've reached my peak in beauty of places to see, there are few words that can ever describe it because everyone's experience is your own and mine has few words that sometimes I think it was all just a dream. Vincent, Monika, Sarah, Steph and I along with other passengers, Dot & Nancy all enjoyed a tour where we swam with sharks, touched and fed manta rays,

had a spa moment and then enjoyed a private island. At the end of the day, when we sailed away watching dolphins swim next to the ship and whales breaching from Bora Bora I was high on life. There were so many moments that I still can't believe I was there. Every moment of that day I savor and know that I am absolutely blessed that I was able to experience it all.

Days following Bora Bora are a blur. It seems like now I'm trying re-live the high I felt being in Bora Bora but enough bragging, the cruise is continuing on to the next island. Pago Pago or pronounced Pango Pango in American Samoa was a beautiful island but hard to be a follow after Bora Bora, sorry to say. Sarah, Colleen, Steph and I hired a driver to take us around the island. It was beautiful, and I wasn't expecting it at all. We did a little bit of hiking and saw what the island had to offer. The picture whore that I am adventured across rocks to climb a few rocks in the ocean for a photo op.

Sometimes, I wonder if I can help

it and then I remind myself that we're all a little vain. Anyways, we hung out at a beach and enjoyed some beer. Another cruise ship was also in port, so a few other cruise members from the other boat were on the beach, mostly dancers. I couldn't help but admire they're stares at me...hey...I said we're all a little vain! We saw them at McDonalds - where I wanna know why we don't sell apple pie al a mode??? It was delicious and anyways there was a little flirty flirt going on....not really from my end but I let them get a little entertained. Its okay to feel attractive...still being vain...okay maybe it was a day of it...I'm not gonna lie, when you wake up at 7 am to do some circuit and stretch training, your body looks pretty good.

Apia, Samoa....oh what a day. I had a great time and Apia was beautiful. Yet, sometimes when your in a big group trying to travel around, it gets large in a small van - Vincent, Monika, Jordon, Mum(Cheryl), Sarah, Stephanie, and myself. Like I said, I had an amazing time so there's no complaints but there's always a story, right? Now, you may hear the story of how there was a huge knife and everyone was going to die....well, no one was going to die. In Samoa, you have to ask to be on the beach and jump in the water, well, we didn't do that and a guy with a knife came to tell us to get out. I just felt bad for the couple who came with us to see the island. They probably thought, why did we get in the bus with these young kids. I will say though, I ate some amazing fish and chips, delicious.

Well, the next couple of days was another unforgettable experience. But before that, we had to cross the International Date Timeline which means we lost a day, 10/10/10....can you believe that? For some, it was a milestone losing a 10/10/10, to me it was just another day but we had to celebrate cuz technically, we had about half an hour of 10/10/10 which we celebrated by having a shot of beer every minute for 30 minutes which we also had some champagne prior. I guess when we party, we party. Well the next day was kinda important....and I'll admit I should have been in my own bed so I wouldn't be late for a special invitation to the bridge by the captain....oh yeah and to top that off, the captain deviated a little from the course so that we could see Tonga which is beautiful for our friend Monika whose family is from Tonga. Can you believe that? I will proudly admit that I started tearing up in the bridge because of all of our experiences, memories, friendships and everything else. You know when you haven't cried in a long time it just pours out? Well, I'm not saying it poured out all at once for me but from that moment on....tears have been formed in my eyes, don't know what it is but its been emotional for some odd reason. I must be making up lost time for all those tears I didn't cry over spilled milk.

Fiji, now I will say I expected it to be more beautiful. I guess in my head I thought of it to be really exotic....I mean, Fiji water is $5 bucks in the states with a beautiful logo you kinda expect it to be something. Not that it wasn't, I just had a different idea in my head...then again we were on the other side of the island. Nonetheless, Colleen, Steph and I went to go visit a Fijian village where we learned about their culture. It was quite the experience. I'll admit the thought that they might want to eat me did cross my mind, they at one point exercised cannibalism....just saying. They were very nice, friendly and welcoming people. Their police even played the band and danced as we sailed away.

So, I did say that I wasn't going to cover each and every port but it seems to be all that I can remember. If I dug really deep into my feelings into everything, nothing really would come out except for those tears again. There were times where I was ready to get off the ship, it was hard to have some alone time. Nights that I really just wanted to lay back and catch a movie in bed was hard to do when you know you only have so many days with people you actually love hanging out with and I would just need to find a little bit of motivation to get the party started and once it started, it was always an amazing time. Its hard to find beautiful people with beautiful souls. Its not the end of the cruise yet, so no farewells quite yet.

The next couple of days were rough out at sea. That boat sure did rock but I got sick once, got used to it and it was just a matter of holding on to a rail so you wouldn't fall. So, to continue the cruise romance, I will say that Sam Sam had his own show. Did I mention that he was a singer? An exceptional one at that....when we'd all hang out at "Rosie's Club" she'd always ask him to sing. Which by the way, Rosie is the epitamy of a lounge singer, very entertaining. Anyways, he had his own show which was amazing. This whole time hanging out with him, I was sorta in the middle. I'd say that I really didn't like him but all my actions showed different. I'd say I sorta did and I would catch myself just staring. The reality of it all was that in the end, I was getting off the ship and life continued. So my feelings were up in the air because my mind and heart was thinking things realistically. It was nice to feel something again and wake up next to someone. But once again, the cruise isn't over yet so lets continue, shall we?

New Zealand....oh New Zealand...how I loved NZ. I think I left a part of my heart there. We had four ports, two on the North Island and two on the South Island. Auckland, the first of our ports, the longest day and I have to say the most free falling of them all.....literally. Bungy jumping, sky diving, white water rafting were activities that us "young" ones wanted to do when we got to NZ. Its the capital of adventurous sports ya know....mostly. Well, Jordon, Woody, Sarah, Lindsey and I did one for sure. We attempted to go sky diving but the weather didn't hold up so we decided, lets jump off a building, then lets bungy off a bridge

and to top off the day, lets sail on America's Cup Boat. Can you believe it? I was hesitant at first, not to jump but you know...money doesn't grow on trees and I still have a life to live in a new country. Nonetheless...thats what we did. It was exhilarating....I think I was the only one who didn't think jumping off a building was that great...partially because it was a controlled jump. Not my idea of jumping I guess, give me a parachute and go base jumping I say. I had a blast but bungy jumping now that was something that gave me a few nervous breakdowns before jumping. After sailing the five of us hung out a bar where the wings were finger licking good.

I think we licked the bowl dry. It was nice to be able to hang out with locals and chat. Being on a boat for thirty days, seeing the same people...you kinda yearn for a local bar. And did I mention the hotties that walked around town? Oy, there were so many good looking men. I mean hot damn, either I've been on a ship too long or my eyes were seeing models everywhere. I wasn't the only one who thought so...Jordon and Woody thought the same thing...joking. It did help that there were rugby players everywhere, now there's some muscle - and guys dressed all preppy/business casual. Someone help me off the staring stage, thanks, now where was I?

Wellington, our next port. More hotties! Okay, off the men....now someone remind me what I did other than stare at men some more. Museums! Vincent, Monika, Sam and I roamed around in the rain visiting the many museums. One in particular, Te Papa, was absolutely amazing. I could have spent a week in that museum just checking out everything. It was a hands on museum that incorporated science, history of NZ and the natives, Maori, social issues

, geography, etc. etc. Its where I'd bring a date to and see if they would be able to handle the geek in me. Afterwards, I ventured off on my own. It was one of those times where I was able to get away by myself. I almost needed it in a way. Just a few minutes to go walk and try to see more of Wellington, the capital. It was nice to just take in the moments and let my thoughts have time to reset and continue. A way to prepare for when I would be left alone in 'Stralia.

Lyttelton/Christchurch was another day of adventure and museums. A nice relaxing day that was supposed to be a day where we would go white water rafting but missed the bus. I guess it wasn't meant to be. Probably a good thing since it was cold. We went from hot and humid islands to further south where its cold in NZ. No matter, Colleen, Steph, Woody, Sarah for a bit, and I had a great time exploring. Sarah and I went on a little bit of a hike and saw some amazing views. Hiking for me is just another way to just let my mind let go and let my ideas flow out and clear the thinking cap. Whats there to really think about when you're on a 30 day cruise, I dunno, but my overly analytical mind needed to sort out feelings and prepare for the reality that in a few days I would be "homeless, " and my friends would soon leave to go home. Anyways, Sarah hiked back to the boat and I took a gondola to meet back up with Colleen, Stephanie and Woody. We hopped on a bus to go punting! It was very relaxing sitting in a boat down a river through the botanical gardens. The smell of fresh flowers is just, lovely. We then hopped on a cable car around Christchurch and saw a few sights. I went off on my own and saw Christchurch Cathedral. I guess I needed more alone time, I don't know. I think its my ADD where I just want to explore and I forget I'm with people and I just take off, either way, I was able to get some souvenir shopping done which by the way, I hate doing. I'm not a big fan of cheesy souvenir gifts just to get people. Its got to have some use or something reminds me of that person. Ugh, I hate it...its bringing back frustrations...lol....maybe cuz I have a few more people to get gifts for...do ya mind if you just get a smile from me since I'm back? Yeah I think that should do...I mean, some of ya are living vicariously through me so that should be enough...now if you send me some money then maybe I can head out and get you a little something...j/k.

Port Chalmers/Dunedin....our last port....sad. I have to say that I wanted to hang out with my friends, the people I built a strong relationship with and get all of us together for our last port day but that didn't happen. It was a "boys day out" instead which was still a lot of fun since I was able to hang out with Sam Sam but boys mean it was the gay boys day out, JT, Bruno, Sam, and myself. You know how I feel about that....oh well, I survived. It should have just been a day out with Sam Sam since we sorta did our own thing anyways. We hit a few museums and went to the butterfly exhibit...can it get anymore gayer than that? HA! It happens, flames come out and the wings show...whateves. But there are two things I must mention....the "lunch muffins" and burgers....YUM and YUM. The lunch muffin was spinach, tomato and....something else and it was oh so good. And then Sam Sam and I had burgers from Velvet Burger....oi, it was so tasty. And even though it rained through out the day, it was nice to be all cuddly with Sam Sam. A pretty good day overall even if there was a little bitchiness around. Not from me! It wasn't my day to be all moody, I already had it thank you very much! HA!

The last days of the cruise were sea days. They are always the hardest to write about because its all goodbyes and there's nothing really happy about those except the memories and experiences shared. And its not really a goodbye, just a farewell for now until next time. I will say that our last formal night, I had an idea to go out with a bang since there were a few of us "young" ones. I'll let the picture explain it all.

As far as what happens with the whole cruise romance....like I've mentioned, reality is that I was getting off the ship and his direction was heading back to the states, literally, and I was disembarking to a new and exciting adventure. And I honestly didn't know where my feelings stood. Yeah, I'll admit, I enjoyed hanging out with him, holding his hand, waking up next to him and if I wanted to settle down with someone, he would be a great guy to do that with but, sadly I hate to admit this but inside I didn't know if I really feel/felt anything inside. And its weird because when I wasn't with him while on the cruise I would miss him, people said that I had that stare when you like someone when you look at them, and when I watched the ship leave Sydney I missed him but my reality is that maybe its because I knew that I didn't know who I was going to meet or what would happen while I was in Australia that maybe I wasn't allowing myself to like him or plainly, I just didn't feel it inside. Its not that I'm looking for something better because I've always said that distance isn't a problem if its the right guy and everything clicks. Maybe I'll wake up one day and feelings will hit but until then I consider him a good friend and continue to keep in contact with him and yeah I miss him on and off...confusing isn't it? I know it is for me too!

In conclusion, I ended up talking about each port and I'm sure there's a lot more to say, but you get the jist of my life at sea through the South Pacific Ocean. It was an amazing and wonderful experience and I'm glad that I shared it with the people I consider part of me.

I could write a whole section of each person and our relationship and how close I feel to them but that would turn this short novel into a real book.

Maybe it was all a dream, maybe I really didn't visit all those islands and when I wake up the only thing thats left is a blur. But then I look at the pictures and I relive that moment all over again as if it happened yesterday when it feels like it was years ago in another lifetime. And then I feel the closeness of the people I shared all those experiences with and my heart beats with love.

Time to change that frown upside down

So....here's my blog...a blog of where I would post my inner thoughts outward that would help clarify my mind and release anything I may need to say poetically or un-poetically. Mostly its been....a bunch of sad realizations that honestly, its time for a change. Time to take those inner feeling that are deep down realizations and just write more freely in a happy daily sense of what I'm expressing. Good luck to that, right? Eh, we'll see how things go...

Thank you for the reminder...

Everything between us maybe unclear or maybe I already know the answer, no matter what, thank you for the reminder.

Over the past couple of years since the break up, I've been numb, I've been stagnant in growth, and I've been in denial. I was able to hide the little self esteem behind that overly self confident smile but even my eyes you could see that I was lying. How I fooled anyone that I was okay, I don't know and for my many close friends who could call out my bullsh*t neglected to say anything out loud. And so, I remained in the hopelessness that time will finally bring me back to who I remembered to be. The person I let myself grow into and the comfortability of me.

Yet it was until I let the over analytical mind over play the feelings I have or the fulfillment inside that I couldn't find myself. For the past winter, I've been filling my void with many hook ups that I'd hope would turn into something real when in reality, it was just what it was, bad sex, maybe a couple of moans but nothing worth the curl of my toes and loud scream for...sorry. But the fact of the matter was, there was an underlying meaning behind our "hang out." It was what I saw on you that I once wore because it was a part of me. Granted, I wear bracelets from when I went to Nicaragua but it wasn't that necklace I stopped wearing because the elastic was becoming too loose and it was the ankle bracelet that I stopped wearing because the hemp strings deteriorated because I never took it off. It was then that things clicked.

Everything about my ex would slightly affect me in someway, even if I kept lying myself, it was always a small jab to the heart. But now, its no longer a stab, a jab, or even a bump....my heart is back on my sleeve, guarded like it once was but ready for the next adventure even if its not love.

Because lets admit, I'm no longer looking for sex to fill the void, I want something substantial where love is all we make but until then, a little fun doesn't hurt either now that I can let go.

My Heart, My Mind, My Libido....

Attraction is a confusing thing. History makes it complicated and trying to make sense of it all in bed at that moment only brings anxious feelings.

Time has passed since we first met our first year. I still remember our first kiss and our first "date," which was the start of what I would describe a perfect date to be. This has left an impression, a mark on me that has brought this confusion to me now.

Since our first year, I only saw you once last year. A brief moment where I held my breath to see that you had come back to Alaska. I was always hopeful that I would see you when you stayed over but not once did we meet.

Another season and here we are again, in Alaska, working through another summer. A lot has happened over the years when we first met. There seems to be hesitation in our interaction, maybe afraid to get hurt because our past has memories of tears but nonetheless, we have had the opportunity to have hung out.

I enjoyed the time spent and even though my overly analytical mind has many questions: why, what is it you see in me, what you think or what you want, or how you feel, I must let things flow.

The only thing I do know is that my my mind knows what my heart feels even though my heart is very much guarded, which tells my mind to control my libido unsuccessfully, and I do mean shamefully. Yet, if things are meant to be, it will be and what you say of us hanging out again....I can only hope that we do and the look in your eyes I saw that night, the feeling of you in my arms, and the passion from those many kisses happens again.

A lesson learned and a heartache of memories to remind me to let love, love.

"The greatest thing you will ever learn is just to love and be loved in return" Eden Ahbez

"I Never Told You" by Colbie Calliat

Lyrics:

I miss those blue eyes

How you kiss me at night

I miss the way we sleep

Like there's no sunrise

like the taste of your smile

I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you what I should have said

No, I never told you I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you

Can't believe that I still want you

and after all the things we been through

I miss everything about you

Without you

I see your blue eyes every time I close mine

You make it hard to see

Where I belong to when I'm not around you

Its like I'm not with me

But I never told you what I should have said

No, I never told you I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you

Can't believe that I still want you

and after all the things we been through

I miss everything about you

Without you

Had I already learned the lesson before him than maybe my heart wouldn't feel the words Colbie Calliat beautifully sings. Yet its not because I never said I loved you...its because I couldn't just love and let him love me back without questioning why he did.

Even now, his blue eyes staring into mine is vivid in my mind making it hard to look at anyone else's eyes. Even now, the way we laid with each other so closely and our breath in unison makes anyone else's touch a waste of a feeling. Even now, I still miss everything about him. There's no way to fill the void in my life but I still continue to live because I had to learn my lesson in pain. And sadly, I learned this lesson from his posting of quotes on his FB profile.

It only took five minutes...

I was only looking for a couch to surf on but somehow I found butterflies in my stomach from the first time I met you. I didn't know what that feeling was at first because I thought I was just nervous even though it was for no apparent reason. I know nothing about you but, somehow in the five minutes of being with you, I somehow felt something. And they say it only takes first sight for things to get started. However, its probably another fantasy I want to happen but for now I will let myself day dream away. Although, my intuition caught a glimpse of something that is there. A hint of jealousy from when a new person approached, a sound of interest of what my plans were, and continuous messages of apologies of not being able to hang out.

Maybe the attraction isn't mutual but wanting to meet again soon clearly is. Only time will tell and hopefully our travels will cross each other again to find out if its real.

A "Land" mark in my life...

It only took nine years but it was worth the wait. After all these years of wanting to meet this one guy has finally led to meet in a city that I love so much, Seattle. It happened on a quick overnight trip that I only stopped because I was hoping to meet someone else. Instead, I met someone who I've shared many memories with, gained so much confidence in myself, and felt a "love" all over the phone and the internet. Land, a guy who I've been attracted to and envisioned a meeting different than what actually happened was still surreal.

We first met on an internet site many years ago during a time where we put our high school lives behind us and was embarking on new adventures to explore our inner self. Its amazing to think how much we've grown since. Living our lives secretly, scared our family wouldn't accept the idea of being gay and, the only outlet we had was each other and the few peopole we could trust with this secret. As I rode the insecurity roller coaster ride, I found support from someone a thousand miles away through an internet connection and random phone calls. It wasn't long where an attraction formed and for the longest time distance and then soon, life, separated us.

In one direction I was ready to break from my cyclical nature of being in San Diego and moved to Boston while he left Nashville to move to Seattle. Somehow we lost touch or maybe it was time to let go to explore more of ourselves but one thing for sure, I could not forget the memories of what we shared. There would be occasional moments where even though I put my past behind me life had a way to remind me of Land.

Never did I think would I get a response when I sent the text message to him. I figured that he would ignore it after the messages I had sent over the years just to see how things were would disappear like the rest of them. So, when I heard my phone alert me that I had a message and it was from Land, did my heart begin to beat rapidly. After all these years could we actually finally meet?

Soon, past memories and conversations rustled through my mind and the closer to the time we would meet, I became more anxious. I remembered how he had said that we wouldn't meet unless he and I were both single because thats how it should be. I soon remembered his voice on the phone during our long conversations at night. I even remembered past feelings that I put aside many moons ago. But when I met him in line at the "gaybucks," the only thing that mattered was that after all these years it was finally nice to meet face to face.

The couple of hours of conversation passed by quickly and at the end, I still couldn't believe it all happened. Time had shown that there was a lot that had changed amongst ourselves and it also showed how much we still remembered about each other.

As much as I would like to keep in contact, at the end of the night as we walked away from each other, I felt if we never saw each other or talked again, an open chapter in my life at least had an ending. Not like those movies you see where you want to know what happens next leaves you feeling empty. I, finally met him after all these years and I don't know what will happen next, I, at least know the past with Land found its closure.