As I was sitting in a cafe in Alaska with a friend I was reading an article about a protest about religion and gays. I would read a paragraph and then we would have a discussion about what we thought. She grew up as a Mormon or Latter Day Saints to be correct and I grew up in different aspects of Christianity. The article went more in depth about a 14-step program called ex-gay or Focus on the Family. Its very similar to the 12-step program geared for Alcoholic Anonymous or Cocaine Addiction or any addiction program except the extra 2-steps is because being gay needs more mental attention.
She asked what I thought and what I said then was being gay isn't a choice and I firmly believe that. If it was a choice, I know that I wouldn't have made the decision to be gay. I recall many times where I would pray to God to help me put away those desires but no matter how involved or how close my walk with God seemed, I would always notice the cute guy at church or in my Bible group. If it was a choice then I wouldn't have chose to be gay because I was scared of what or, more so what my father did when he even thought I was gay.
The article continued to show how followers or even more so leaders of the ex-gay movement were found at a gay bar hitting on the cute guy ordering a beer. It seemed to be slightly one-sided but what ex-gay man/woman married to the opposite sex would admit that he/she still desires to have a touch of the same sex?
To some extent I believe that you can put away certain desires but it still doesn't solve how you truly feel. I have lived in the closet for many years and I've denied myself as well but no matter how hard I would try, I'm still attracted to the same sex. Granted, there have only been a few select ladies that I was attracted to but when it comes down to it, how long would it be before I couldn't deny myself any longer?
When I finally came out to my family, it was not the easiest period of my life. I was alone and there weren't too many people I could turn to or more importantly, who would understand. But after many years, my family has been able to accept that I'm gay but I know they still want me to be with a woman and they pray everyday that my mind would change. I myself have been able to accept being gay and being who I am but, its not even about being gay, its about being me, my individual spirit. Its also about people around you who accept you for you.
Yet, when I came home from Alaska and after this summer, I thought maybe I should try out an ex-gay meeting. Life would be easier, or would it? Then I realized that the only reason I wanted to go is because I was still depressed about my ex and I knew that the only thing that matters is my faith in God.
When it comes down to it, God will know that I have always believed in Him even through my short comings because I am no different from a man who desires to lay with a man who believes in Him, than a man who acts on his desires with a man who believes in Him.